Breakfast and Bennet
by Bloody Noses
Summary: En route to NYC, Matt and Ted encounter horrible breakfast buffets, an irate Bennet and cancer toast all in one morning!  Notsosubtle slash undertones, [MattTed], HTSAEM spoilers.
1. Toast

Disclaimer: Don't own anybody/anything-they all belong to Tim Kring. DAMMIT!

* * *

"HEY! Wake up dammit!" Matt opened his eyes to a scruffy face, covered in brown hair. Oh. It was Ted. "Come on. We better go get breakfast before Glasses wakes up." Ted rolled his eyes. 

Matt kicked off the covers, and then stood up. He felt Ted's eyes on his chest. He really needed to start sleeping with a shirt on. Matt sighed, staring at himself in the mirror. Ugh. He had the worst kind of bed-head. He looked over at his 'suitcase', also known as a plastic bag where a toothbrush he took from the front desk and some shampoo, free-sample size, lay along with another change of clothes, courtesy a Wal-Mart.

"Move it," Ted said, idly looking at the ceiling. In about five minutes Matt had gotten dressed. He zipped up his pants. Ted better not have watched. He might have to telepathically torture him. No...that honor was reserved for Bennet. One thing that Matt and Ted could bond on-they both couldn't stand Bennet.

"Lead the way," Matt said, opening the door. Both men shot glares at each other-Matt was mad for being woken up so rudely, Ted was mad that Matt took so long. They walked on the concrete in silence, each in their own thoughts. As if for curiosity, Matt turned his telepathy on. What was Ted thinking?

_Ergh. I'm never sleeping with Bennet again. That bastard KICKS. I thought the bed would be better than the floor, but nooo. I wonder if Parkman would have shared his bed...he looked pretty damn comfy._

Matt turned the telepathy off. He probably would have shared, if Ted had asked. He didn't mind sharing. The two entered the lobby, then the breakfast room both silent.

"Whoo-hoo," Ted muttered, looking around the breakfast room. There was just an old lady there, who looked completly out of reality. Cheap elevator music was playing in the background. Ted made a beeline for the cereal.

Matt sighed, looking at the meager offerings of the "continental breakfast". Really, since when was three different kinds of cereal, frozen milk, and some bread a continental breakfast? Still, they couldn't afford much. It was a long way to New York and the savings of a cop turned bodyguard, a ordinary man on the run from his work, a suspected terrorist on the run couldn't hold out for much long. They rented a hotel room in some dump. Some cheap, cheap dump. Him, Ted and...and what's his name. Horn-rimmed glasses. Mr. Bennet. The guy who was still asleep.

"Wow," Ted said, looking at the cereal. "So, Coco Puffs, Fruit Loops or some sort of thing with marshmallows?"

"All look pretty bad," Matt said, frowning. "I'll have some toast." Opening the bread, he looked around. Come on. They HAD to have a toaster. Every hotel had a toaster. He moved the cereal dispensers out of the way. Where was that thing?

"Here," Ted said, grabbing the bread Matt was holding. He concentrated on the bread. Matt watched as Ted's hand glowed faintly. Withen seconds, the bread was a light brown. "Here you go," he said, handing the bread to Matt. An awkward silence preceded as Matt stared at the toast and Ted stared at Matt. "Well? Eat it!"

"You emit radiation," Matt said, his eyes moving from the toast to Ted. It looked really good. Still, his mind kept on nagging him. "I can't eat this, it'll give me cancer."

"No it won't."

"Yes it will."

"No it wont!"

"Ted, I'm not eating this."

Ted frowned. "Well fine then! I try to help and make the toast for you-I didn't even nuke all that hard! I tried to keep my radiation to a low. But no. It'll give you cancer." Ted threw his hands up in the air, which were glowing now. "My toast apparently isn't good enough for Parkman."

Matt's eyes widened. The last thing they needed was Ted to explode the hotel, however bad it was. "Hey, hey, calm down." He placed a hand on Ted's shoulder. It was starting to heat up. "Calm down Ted. Calm down. There are people here-we don't want them to get hurt." Ted took a few deep breaths, as his hands returned to normal.

"Will you eat it?" he asked, looking at Matt. Matt looked at the toast, then looked at Ted. Sighing, he took a large bite of the bread. As he chewed, his face went through a series of expressions. He took another bite.

"It's good," Matt said, through a mouthful of bread. A small smile crept on Ted's face, then was kicked out by his typical scowl. In about a minute Matt finished the toast. "Great job. I didn't know you could cook."

"I can't," Ted replied bluntly. "Still...thanks."

Matt perked up. A thank you from Ted? Well that was pretty rare. "Your welcome." Another awkward silence ensued. Matt hated these. Him and Ted had been through so much. After both being marked by the company, going to blow up the Bennet's house, captured by the company, and then escaping from it, they were practically brothers now. At least...that's what Matt thought. His wife had been pushed to the back of his mind nowadays and Ted's wife died..."Why don't you smile more?" Matt blurted out. Oh Christ. If Ted started to glow again...

"What is there to smile at?" Ted said leaning against the wall. "My wife is dead, I'm a suspected terrorist, and I can explode at any moment." He scowled, looking up at the ceiling. "The only thing that I can smile at is you, and even you wear on my nerves most of the time."

"I love you too," Matt sarcastically said, playing with a fork. Awkward silences were becoming all too common with these two. "So, how should we wake up Bennet today?"

"Oh I have the perfect idea," Ted said, smiling evilly. "Just give me that carton of milk."


	2. Torment

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. If I did, trust me Noah would be getting a lot more tortue in the show.

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As soon as Noah awoke, he felt something wet on his face, something hot on his feet and something loud in his head. "WHAT THE HELL?!" he yelled, springing up from his bed. He promptly felt around in the sheets. They were wet. It couldn't be what he thought he was. He sniffed the sheets. Milk? Why the hell did his sheets smell like milk? Only two people that he could think of could possibly do this. "Parkman! Sprague! Get the hell in here now!"

Matt and Ted shuffled out of the bathroom, Matt blushing like a kid with his hands in the cookie jar, Ted still giggling under his breath. Noah stared at them, milk down his chest. "Yeah..." Matt said, biting his lip. "It turns out that not only can I hear other people's thoughts, but I can make other people hear MY thoughts."

"So how does that explain the yelling in my head at," he looked at the clock, "nine o'clock in the morning?"

"You needed to be up soon so we could finish driving to New York," Matt said, glaring at Ted, who had finally stopped giggling. "And well...I thought that a loud telepathic drill sergeant call in your head would wake you up."

"And my feet?"

"They looked cold," Ted said, biting his lip to try and stop from laughing. Noah looked at himself. He was a thirty-something man with bed head, milk down his chest, milk on his favorite blue pajama pants, and grumpy morning wrinkles. Alright, so he might have looked funny. "It's not like I was trying to kill you or anything. I could do it much more effective than burning your feet." Noah made a mental note to keep Ted in the backseat of the car. Parkman could sit shotgun. Of course, he drove. He always drove.

"And the milk?"

Ted started to giggle again. Honestly, the two were such children! It's not like he would get enjoyment from playing a joke on either of them...well, he might. "Well," Matt said, starting to giggle also. "You were sleeping with your mouth open, so we poured milk in it." More giggling. Noah failed to see what was so damn funny about the situation. Then again, they weren't covered in milk. "But you spit it out. So we poured more in, Ted kind of spilt a bit." Ted's face was slowly turning red. Not the dangerous explosion red, but just happy laughing red. "Well, Ted spilt a lot, but we got more milk in your mouth. Then you spit it out again. Then I got the telepathic yell idea and Ted started to toast your feet." By now, Ted efforts at repressing his giggles were failing. "We just wanted to wake you up." Noah shot both of them a stern, cold look.

"You better stop laughing," he said, looking at the two. Matt's eyes widened as he jabbed Ted in the shoulder. The radioactive man looked up, looked in Noah's eyes, then stopped laughing. Both of the men had stopped laughing. "Now, I'm going to go take a shower." He sniffed himself again. He smelled awful. They would be in for a living hell on the car trip. He would place the radio on public broadcasting and fucking tape that dial down. "When I get done, we leave." There better be some damn shampoo in there. And if they used up all the hot water...

- - - -

As soon as Noah Bennet entered the bathroom, Matt and Ted started to giggle some more. They didn't stop it, they just let themselves laugh. It was one of the better moments on their happy little New York trip. It had been hell so far. Sitting in a small, cramped car with Bennet for hours, never making stops at gas stations (Matt was starting to think that Bennet never had to pee), listening to the same bloody talk radio over and over again, hearing life stories about his "dear loving wife"- those stories especially annoyed the two as Ted's wife was dead and Matt never looked at his wife the same way after he found out about the affair. To be honest, both Matt and Ted enjoyed the moments together the most–away from Bennet.

"Great idea with the milk," Matt said, smiling at Ted. Ted returned the smile, still a bit red in the face. "Never would have thought of that."

"What the hell were you screaming in his head anyway?" Ted asked, curiously looking at Matt. Closing his eyes, Matt relayed the telepathic army chant to Ted. After he was done, Ted's face broke out into a snarky smile. "Man, if that didn't wake him up, I don't know what would have."

Matt sighed a contented sigh. He stared at Ted for a moment as Ted returned the look. "If you weren't here, I think I'd go insane." He sighed again, this one more agitated than before. "I can't stand the guy."

"Join the club," Ted said, scowl overtaking his face as he thought of Glasses. He looked up at Matt. Ted's face turned to confusion, then to another snarky grin in about two seconds. "Wait a moment. Were you coming on to me a few seconds ago? With that 'if you weren't here' statement?"

Matt turned the shade of tomato juice. "What would make you think that?" he said, rather quickly. "I...I've got a wife."

"You don't need to be a telepath to know that you don't like her," Ted said, idly playing with a strand of hair. Matt's face turned redder. He loved his wife! He really did. Except...it wasn't THAT kind of love. It wasn't the love that led to long years of happiness. It wasn't the love that led to golden anniversaries. It wasn't the 'oh, I can always trust you' love. That got destroyed. After the affair. But the baby...god, the baby. He couldn't just back out on her now. But what was he doing at the moment? Going on a crazy cross-country trip with the living A-Bomb and Mr. Mysterious himself. Matt sighed, and looked up at the ceiling.

"My life is seriously fucked up," he said, more to himself than anybody else.

"Your life?" Ted said, rolling his eyes. "After finding out that you're a living Chernobyl, accidentally killing your wife, setting a bunch of shit on fire, living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere for about half a month, having some crazy Israeli IM you when you have no internet, escaping from a paper company, and being a fraction away from exploding at least ten times you start to think 'Shit. Somebody up there hates me'." He joined Matt in staring at the ceiling. Both sat, lost in their own thoughts for about two minutes.

"Jesus CHRIST!" Noah yelled from the bathroom. Matt and Ted were jolted back to reality, and looked quizzically at each other. Sure, they had tormented Bennet in bed, but neither of them did anything to the shower. At least, Matt didn't. And by the look on Ted's face, he didn't either.

"Did you take a shower this morning?" Ted asked Matt.

"Yep. You?"

"Yep. Hot shower?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"WHERE THE HELL IS THE HOT WATER?!"

Both men sighed. "I'll go find the hot water heater and nuke it," Ted said, grabbing a room key. "We don't want Glasses to be even more pissed at us on the trip upwards."

"So is giving Bennet some cancer-toast out of the option?" Matt said, smiling at Ted. Ted returned Matt's smile with his trademark scowl, then shut the door behind him.


End file.
